G’day chums,

This went through my mind a while ago (not much to stop it) so I thought I’d ask the team.

Every establishment has a Mick the Brick,so who do you have?

At our end we have,in no particular order,Billy Glass(makes windows,leaded lights a speciality),Our Chris,Deaf Liz

(pardon?),Pissed Up Paul,Loggy John,Gobby John,Fishy John,Builder John,Little John,John Boy (pronounce as per

The Waltons for best results),Taxi Tel,Blind Terry (you should see his little eyes light up when something female

walks in),Phil the Greek (also known as The Burk With The Merc),Gargoyle (Actually I quite like our Carol),Chris

Across The Road (only drinks in the establishment across the road from his gaff but is known by this epithet in at

least six boozers throughout Lincolnshire and a few in Yorkshire),Big Phil (sadly no longer with us but still a man of

legend),Doris (ex landlord where I still put my time in on a daily basis,whining little sh1t),Big Lindsie (used to work

the bar,photo finish in a Zeppelin Race),Little Lindsie (could pick her nose with her tongue),Big Dave,Phil The Till

(ex gaffer at the establishment across the road from Chris Across The Road,known to me as Dipsy (fat,wore

green,talked unintelligible bollocks,pure Teletubby),Thrush (another ex gaffer at the same gaff as above,irritating

c***),Maggot Jane (breeds fishing bait,magic lass),Welsh Jim,Fairtrade Jim (70 years old,is currently in Kenya

visiting his “girlfriend”),Barrel (it’s his shape,not what he can drink).

I could go on but that would be boring.

Thing is,we all know who we’re talking about.

Come on chums,who have you got?


  1. How about "Billy Handbag."..fellow customers sick of carrying him home. "Father Fxxx" every time he would come in to the pub after mass on Sunday night he would sware like a trooper.

  2. We had a ‘Crusty’ but he dies. We have a ‘Wink’ anda ‘Frosty’- not sure why Wink but Frosty relates t surname. I don’t want to think about Crusty, who passed on some tme ago now.Most locals are refered to by name followed by their trade. I wonder what they call me????? ??)

  3. One to avoid, especially in theight of recent celeb happenings! We have a Frosty…
    Anni the Goddess ain’t too bad.

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